video feels self indulgent, it’s about letting go of some preconceived notions about myself and my own creativity. I guess I should let the self indulgent thoughts go too. I don’t know at what point in the last 2 years painting and illustration became something I “got to do” instead of “had to do.” I suppose it is when I took earning out of the equation. You see, I pretty much have always done art for money. You hire me, I create it, you pay me. Along with that came promoting and marketing my “skills.” Now as Smart Creative Women and Smart Creative Style have become robust and healthy, I have had a desire to pick up my brushes again and “create”. But I am stuck, hesitant, scared…not sure. I want it to feel different. Maybe I want it to be for MY pleasure instead of someone else’s pleasure and doesn’t that feel the MOST self indulgent of all?? When did I become such a Puritan? And I know, I know, it can be BOTH for my pleasure and for people’s pleasure too.
What if I create for myself and it doesn’t feel different? What if it doesn’t feel as robust and healthy as Smart Creative Women? I have gotten myself in a quandary and it is time to put a stop to the silly voices in my head. I know very well that the voices in there are NOT always on my side and I usually have a handle on them. Apparently around my actual painting they have come back to roost. What I realized this morning, when I watched my own video, is that I am assuming what I have done with Smart Creative Women and Smart Creative Style does NOT fall into the creative category. Bad girl! I had a complete BLAST creating the video content inside the Smart Creative Style course. The constant stream of content for this site I have been creating the last 2 years at some point has taken a dose of creativity! See what I mean about “preconceived notions?” So today I am giving myself a bit of a “loving smack down.” ha-ha! I imagine there are a few more to come! Thanks for putting up with me on this. Do you have preconceived notions about what it means to “create?” Do you need to give yourself permission to grow?
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