I recently experienced a situation that left me feeling unprepared which then led to me feeling flawed and humbled.
The eternal optimist inside me has a “can do” attitude and usually thinks of every scenario so I am fully prepared for what may be coming my way. I generally don’t like to be blindsided. What I realized is that I can’t be prepared for every scenario. This time I flat didn’t know what I was doing and it left me feeling exposed. Ouch, I thought I had done the research!
I headed to NYC Friday to have a meeting that I had pinned a lot of hopes on. Even though I had thought things through, I still knew deep down that there where some missing puzzles pieces to what I was attempting to do.
What I did not realize was that I was missing was big gigantic, big picture part of the puzzle. Oops! As I sat a bit shocked in my meeting, what happened next was a mix of God’s grace and my humanity.
The man I was meeting with did not seem remotely affected by my gaff as he patiently took his time to explain to me what I needed to know. As I apologized, he said he in his broken English, “No, I teach you.” Gracious.
When I walked out my brain was mush. I was second guessing myself. I was embarrassed and frustrated. My “soft type A” personality wanted to crawl into a corner and lick my wounds. How could I have been so naive?
Fortunately, I was meeting some friends who took me to Serendipity to eat some ice cream! A girl might as well lick her wounds with some sugar! And no, I did not eat this alone!
My mind was spinning, was what I was setting out to do was simply too complicated? I am a BIG vision person and when the details bite me in the butt, it stops me dead in my tracks. I asked myself if I should press forward or leave this idea on the table. Questioning one part of my “passion plan” made me question the rest of what I was doing…let’s just say I was about to jump into the rabbit hole of sadness!
Once I got back home, I felt a sense of peace at the comedy of it all. I again realized just how human life can make you feel, that along with all the good human emotions, love, joy, excitement that you get to experience there is no escaping the raw ones of embarrassment, frustration, sorrow, vulnerability.
When I understand that I am human with an array of inescapable emotions is when I experience God the most. That’s where the peace and comedy come in (I live in a space where God not only loves me, we laugh a lot too!) I realize that it is His grace and mercy that have gotten me this far.
I am reminded that following passions, dreams, goals whatever you call them, is not going to be without some human drama or what we often consider “bad” emotions. You know, the emotions that leave us asking, “Why did that just happen?” I remember that they are not bad emotions, they are simply emotions and part of being alive.
This glimpse at my humanity forces me to wonder if I am as patient and gracious to the people I meet with as I need to be. It reminds me of the many times that God has seen me through other situations.
It leaves me in awe instead of crushed as I lean on Him.
Embracing my entire human experience makes me less afraid and less vulnerable. It makes me feel alive in an honest way. It begs me to respond to myself with love because that is how God is continuously responding to me.
Have you been reminded of your own humanity lately? My guess is that if you are breathing you have been! Tell me what you think and how you picked yourself up!