This was a REALLY interesting video for me to record. I taped it 3 times until I moved into my comfort zone. See I have learned a few surprising things about myself as I have found my “creative style.” I have been a student of style for YEARS and I knew that what I was conveying was more than what someone wears or HOW you paint. Your creative style is NOT about that. It is not about the colors you choose for your logo either (although we do cover it!) This was really about accepting and unlocking little pieces of me that I only let people who really “got me” glimpse at. So when it came time to highlight my own FINAL board, I felt a bit funny (read:vulnerable) so I spent the weekend asking myself WHY?
Because my board has champagne and pink and sparkly images. It has ultra feminine tutus and girly jewelry and really cute shoes. I could sit right in the middle of my board and sigh deep sighs of bliss BUT showing it to other people might mean…
That people won’t take me seriously. That people will think that my office looks like a little girls room, not the office of grown woman entrepreneur. Why would any of that matter to me NOW? I have a birthday this month and at this point, it flat should not matter. I have met people that didn’t take me seriously my entire life! I have found that happy people are not taken seriously (ridiculous since $@#*&! happens to happy people too!) My ex husband mocked me ANY time that I wore pink or painted my toenails (hello, did he not realize who I was?) I have gone through phases in my life where I have REALLY reined in my personality.
While my creative style mood board doesn’t express every ounce of me (how can it?) putting it together unlocked some of my WHY’S. It helped me understand why I had a fondness for Barbie (you have to watch to see why) and it has helped my embrace not just the lovely chandeliers in my life but all the things that I love whether anyone else loves them or not. Whether they are on trend or not. I even felt like I went out on a limb as I choose the branding for the Smart Creative Style Course because it was the first time I felt I was translating imagery I liked in my own way. Putting this video together and explaining my board made it all come together…but what if you just look at the pictures?
This is a lot of writing for a long video but I somehow wanted to express that really loving yourself may mean other people may judge you. Note I said judge. I have always known that I was a girl you either liked or didn’t (strong personalities tend to have to deal with that early on) but being “judged” felt different. Even the most compassionate person finds themselves judging people and sometimes we judge ourselves the most ruthlessly. Maybe that is why I so easily reined myself in in the past. Maybe it was just habit from always being the new girl in school, maybe it was because I had judged others. (Insecurity can do that)
As I peel back the layers
of my passions, my art style, my brand persona one of the harshest critics I have had to deal with is myself. What if I stopped shapeshifting and really stood up and said, “I am a grown woman, having hot flashes, who likes good champagne, old romantic movies and just about any shade of pink.” What if I didn’t watch CNN for a while, decided not the meaning of sin in our modern world (yes, I do have these types of discussions!) What if I didn’t beat myself up if I
missspelled yet another word. Maybe I would really like me, maybe I would LOVE me. Hard for an overachieving closet perfectionist to do. (Insert my mother and sisters laugh because they do not think my perfectionist tendencies are closeted)
I keep saying this “Smart Creative Style” process has been liberating for me and if it made me unearth all this, I guess it really has been. Expressing what you like, what you love, trying to build a business around your passion is no easy task for sure. Try doing it when you have not even come to terms with what you really love!! I am excited (and sometimes scared) about my next chapter. I want you to be excited about yours as well and trust me, I will not judge you if you love pink! I hope you enjoy the video.